i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
