It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
