he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
