so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
