My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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