Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
