i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
