i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
