I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
