oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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