I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
