Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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