Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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