I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
