I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My cat gives me a boner
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
