Already got asked if we're dating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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