dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
