You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
