Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
