You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
