Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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