Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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