Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
