Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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