Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
