what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my shit smells like andre
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
