I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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