but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
