I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
