i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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