The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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