Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just invented taco cereal.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
