life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He shit in the fireplace
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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