he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
