did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
