There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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