The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
