Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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