so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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