i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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