well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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