Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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