Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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