oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
