im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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