Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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