just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
