I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
