Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is Oprah even human
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
