I CAN MOONWALK!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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