be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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