the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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