how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He shit in the fireplace
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
